It's Party Time! (Excellent!)

Author: Brett H.
Submitted by: Brett H.   Date : 2017-10-27 11:33
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It's October 30th and tomorrow you're having a Halloween party for the boys? You better get your shit together, procrastinator! For the last 10 years, the shining moment of our year is our annual Top 10 horror film list to watch on Halloween, either alone or with buddies. But you don't have time to watch our 2017 top 10 today... because you're throwing a bash and you don't wanna have to trash your own party because nobody came, right? Here we'll put down some simple, delicious food & drink and a couple activities to keep everyone full, quenched and having a damn good time. Oh, and if you're looking for "healthy options", sorry pal, but you ain't gonna find those here...

11. Movies
    You're gonna need some fucking entertainment. Luckily for you, we have 10 years of top 10 Halloween lists to give you some ideas. If that ain't enough, this year I'll give you the bonus plan. Obviously, you're going to need to introduce a heavy Michael Myers influence in your marathon, and you want a new movie or two to make sure you're not losing anyone to sleep or boredom. Not everyone is going to be a horror hound, but hey, "A true classic never goes out of style", and that's where you're gonna rent Cult of Chucky to keep the party going when drinks begin to flow and people are in need of some laughs. Let's be honest... by the end of the night, the only one left actually paying attention to the flicks at this party is gonna be "Randy from Scream guy" in your life. But, the background noise and something to gander at here and there is absolutely essential and should not be overlooked. No horror fan with any pride is going to have Pawn Stars playing on the big screen, whether anyone is watching or not, on Halloween night. (Brett H.)

10. Video games
    All right, either you or your buddies must have an old, dusty Nintendo or Sega or something in your closet. Set up that old shitty CRT in the kitchen up on the freezer and see what happens - there's an excellent chance you're going to light a nostalgic fire underneath your guests' asses. Even easier, if you managed to track down a NES or SNES Classic Edition plug n' play, you're able to play 8 and 16 bit classics such as Castlevania, Ghosts N' Goblins or more likely, even on Halloween, you're going to have a lot of people facing off at Super Mario Kart or double teaming some ass in Double Dragon 2, but that's all right too. The bloops and blips of 8 bit chiptunes will mesh well with John Carpenter's iconic score blaring in your living room. It reminds me of 1992 all over again, that's for sure. (Brett H.)

9. Monster Cereals
    Few food items scream “Halloween” quite like General Mills’s line of Monster Cereals, a now seasonal lineup of various flavors that reduces me to a squealing kid whenever I first spot them. Seriously, it’s probably pretty embarrassing to see a grown-ass man excitedly pluck cereal from the shelf like a madman, but I didn’t exactly ask for this condition. At any rate, this entry comes with a bit of irony as well: as much as I really love the idea of these things, Count Chocula is the only one I really enjoy, so I am exempt from the pleasures of Frankenberry and Boo-Berry each year—though I did enjoy the appearance of Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy a few years ago (naturally, they made a lone appearance and haven’t resurfaced—just my luck). Of course, it’s hard to see cereal fitting into a party atmosphere, so maybe reserve this for your pre-game or, hell, at any random point during the month when you find yourself in front of a TV watching your favorite horror movies. (Brett Gallman)

8. Chicken Doritos
    This one is going to require a little bit of effort, so find your bored friend who doesn't mingle well with others and tell him you need a hand. An easy to make snack that mixes two of everyone's favorite things - tortilla chips and chicken breast can be made relatively quickly if you're prepared and in a variety of flavors. You use a fuckload of chips, though, believe me, so get Cool Ranch, Zesty, Jalapeno, hell just get 'em all. You don't need to dip these in anything, but I found honey dill and McDonald's sweet & sour went really well. They're a little on the pricey side to make if you're having over a ton of people, but goddammit, these are your friends and it's Halloween. This is no time to be a cheap bastard. Let me guess, you're the type that gives Smarties/Rockets to the trick or treaters and wonder why your house has been egged by morning. With all the climate change, they're gonna be scrambled by morning and a bitch to clean. Bottom line. Don't be tight. (Brett H.)

7. Nachos
    Because they're just too easy and delicious not to have, plus they go great with all kinds of suds and liquor drinks. For me, I just like to stay basic as a picky eater - and that's a good way to roll for your party just in case you have some jackass like me who doesn't like anything. Throw the chips on a big ass pan and prepare the ground taco meat in advance with some pre-shredded cheese and you're done. Seriously, I know I don't have to explain to you how to make nachos. A little tip is to have some shredded lettuce and onion on hand because guests could make a little taco salad if that's their thing, or even make a simple chicken salad with the aforementioned chicken strips. Pro tip: In Canada, we have these things called donairs that are absolutely delicious. If you alter the ground beef recipe to a donair spices (all common in your pantry) and make simple donair sauce (evaporated milk, sugar, garlic powder & vinegar), you're going to blow people's minds with "donairchos". You can actually dip the chicken AND pizza in this sauce, as well. Am I turning into Martha fucking Stewart over here? Jesus Christ. (Brett H.)

6. The Liquor
    You need sufficient amounts of this. You know which of your friends get all out of hand after a couple drinks. Normally, I'd say to keep it simple as fuck. You're gonna need the basics on hand anyways, but since it's Halloween, let's go beyond the Coors Light (if you drink this shit, you're fucking out - seriously) and vodka 7's just because. Fall craft beer suits the time well and it's a good idea to have a variety case of this on hand for the boys. Make a nice fall punch (lots of ginger ale, some cranberry juice, lemon, lime and a bit of OJ) in a big bowl for the kiddies and adults alike (white rum or vodka added!), complete with the obligatory floatie dollar store plastic spiders that wind up in each glass just like my grade 6 Halloween party. (Brett H.)

5. Halloween treats & wine pairings
    Lets not forget the ladies and a lot of us gents out there as well. Plan this in advance and select your Halloween treats based on wine pairings. I've never tried this myself (plan is to do this Halloween!), but I was given a print out at a wine tasting course once that saw some very intriguing pairings. Jolly Ranchers & gewurztraminer, Reese's peanut butter cups & sherry and Tootsie Rolls & Amarone seemed to be the most interesting combinations to me. I have acquired a taste for candy corn more so this year, so I might pair that with Jacob's Creek Moscato... the sweetest of the sweet white of choice around here for people who, well, don't exactly like wine. The beauty of this is you can make some kick ass sangria the next day for when you're messing with that son of a bitch hangover. (Brett H.)

4.Halloween sodas
    The newest addition to my seasonal rotation, this group of spooky sodas has quickly become a favorite. Appearing—at least to my eyes—only at World Market sometime around October, they come in an assortment of flavors, most of them recognizable knock-offs, for lack of better term. Don’t let that fool you though: this stuff makes for a great, super sweet injection into the Halloween season, especially for those of you (like myself) who don’t go for the hard stuff. My personal favorites are Jones Blood Orange and Dr. Jekyll Elixir soda, the latter of which is almost exactly what it sounds like: an imitation Dr. Pepper, only it has a real kick to it in the form of a sneaky spicy quality. Toss in some genuinely killer labels adorned with ghoulish fiends and playful lettering, and you have all the makings of a new Halloween tradition. (Brett Gallman)


3. Fall Party Cakes
    In my household, Halloween starts in fucking August. I figure if Christmas is able to consume two entire months and creep further into October every year, then it’s perfectly acceptable to at least catch a bit of fall fever in the waning days of summer. Even I have to admit, however, that this doesn’t feel truly official until the arrival of the first treats into stores, which usually comes in the form of these Little Debbie staples. Look, I know these are basically just their regular snack cakes with fall-colored sprinkles, but just you try and stop me from buying anything that looks slightly seasonal during this time of the year. I also know that these things are fit for consumption throughout the entirety of the season, whether you’re snacking down in front of the TV or leaving them out as treats at a party. Finally, I damn sure know these things don’t really go away once October passes, as they more or less recur in the form of Christmas Tree Cakes, meaning they also serve as a slight preview of more holiday delicacies. Yes, I just called a fucking Christmas Tree Cake a delicacy. (Brett Gallman)

2. Autumn Mix
    One of the bigger ironies (I might even say bitter ironies) about the season is that I actually can’t just buy anything with fall/spooky branding, mostly because I don’t really like pumpkin flavoring. As such, the whole pumpkin spice craze is largely lost on me, leaving me with a pretty short list of seasonal favorites. Luckily, I have always been a fiend for candy corn, which has apparently emerged as a controversial staple in recent years, at least in the sense that I am now aware of a contingent that somehow doesn’t like this stuff. I feel nothing but pity for these types because if there’s one treat that really captures the flavor of Halloween, it’s this blast of pure confectionary goodness that really doesn’t belong during any other time of the year—even if my grandparents seemed to always have it at their house all year long, for whatever reason. It gets even better in the form of an autumn mix, where it’s sprinkled in with candy pumpkins, which might be one of the few sweets on the planet that can actually rival candy corn itself. Put some of this stuff at your Halloween party if you want to know who your true friends are, and don’t trust any son of a bitch that refuses it. (Brett Gallman)

1. Pizza
    Obviously, pizza isn’t confined to any season—hell, in some weeks, it’s not even confined to one day for me since I could eat it at any given moment. However, this meal is practically inseparable from Halloween because it’s accompanied my annual horror-thon for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, my cousin and I started the tradition by ordering out from a local place after securing a stack of tapes for the evening’s entertainment. In more recent years (because I am basic as hell), this hallowed evening (which usually falls on the Friday closest to Halloween) starts with a trip to Pizza Hut, where I pick up one of their dinner boxes, which is loaded with a customized extra cheese pizza, breadsticks, and cinnamon sticks for dessert.

    That moment when I finally sit down for my first movie and start gorging on pizza basically is my Halloween because this tradition has been even more sacred than trick-or-treating for most of my life. It might be for a party of one, but it’s one hell of a night, full of questionable eating decisions (you haven’t lived until you’ve chased that pizza with candy corn) and an adventurous spirit. Outside of my annual viewings of Halloween and Halloween 3, I generally have no idea where this evening will take me: to put it in wrestling parlance, I call it in the ring according to my pizza, soda, and candy fueled whims. (Brett Gallman)
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