Written and Directed by: Bill Robertson
Starring: Avery Davis, Ann Field, Molly Ratchet
Reviewed by: Brett G.
“Aw man, all we've got left in the fridge is a tit and a couple of ribs!”
When we think about cannibals, we might think about a bunch of backwoods mountain-folk that you might find when you take a Wrong Turn in West Virginia; or maybe our minds turn to a place where The Hills Have Eyes and house a clan of bloodthirsty, deformed mutants. But what if such a clan were composed of seemingly normal people who lived within a civilized society, and treated their cannibalism as a club? That’s what The Bisbee Cannibal Club ponders; however, by the time you’ve devoured this one (or does it devour you?), you’ll be wishing the question had never been brought up.
In Brisbee, there’s been a rash of disappearances; people just go missing without a trace. Pretty soon, however, a band of friends begin to put two and two together and surmise that these people are victims of a nearby cannibal club that feasts only on vegetarians. After some detective work, the cannibal killers stock up on guns and ammo and begin to hunt the gang of flesh-eaters (even though they agree that the hippie, poetry-spouting vegetarians deserve their fate anyway).
The Bisbee Cannibal Club just feels like an excuse for a bunch of friends to get together in front of a camera and spew as many bodily fluids as possible. I’m not just talking about the red stuff; in fact, you’ll see just as much faux-projectile vomit and piss as you will blood and gore. It’s an obvious gross-out film, and it really only barely works on that level. Gore sequences are actually minimal, but I you might chuckle at how casual the nastiness is; for example, we see the cannibals literally serve someone’s ass on a plate, among other body parts. That said, the movie is not really funny outside of a few instances of outrageously stupid dialogue, such as when a guy eulogizes a guy named “Buttsniff,” so named because he broke into women’s houses and stole their panties when he was still among the living. Similar white trash gags abound as this one falls apart before your eyes.
Of course, it was never put together well in the first place. Perhaps the grossest thing about the film is the sheer stupidity and inanity of it all. The production is fairly incompetent, complete with all the flaws of most independent productions: amateur acting, poorly-lit scenes, and rough editing. It’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen in this regard, but it will certainly be among the worst that most people will ever see, if they’re so brave. It’s even hard to embrace the brief moments of silliness that bring some life to the film because the rest is just that awful. But hey, if you must see a film that features a guy named Renfield (also referred to as “The Bug Eater,” just in case you didn't get it) urinating on a dead rabbit and then eating it, by all means, this one’s for you.
If you’ve trudged this far into the review, I think it’s safe to say you’ve read about all the high (or low, depending on your point of view) points that The Bisbee Cannibal Club has to offer. Do yourself a favor and just imagine those points are as outrageously bad as they sound and skip the actual movie. However, if you’re really that curious, you can check out the Chemical Burn Entertainment DVD, which, by all accounts should not exist. At any rate, the presentation oddly window-boxes the film’s 4:3 aspect ratio, but the soundtrack is as good as it can be, considering nearly every take is full of ambient noise from the set. Incredulously, the film is actually included on the disc twice, but it'll be a miracle if most can make it through the first run. Don’t bother trying though--you’d probably have more fun being devoured by real cannibals. Trash it!
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