Written and Directed by: David Allingham
Starring: Hilary Barnett, Sara Cole, and Sam Navarro
Reviewed by: Brett G.
The party's over when you're dead!
If thereís anything horror movies have taught us, itís that we shouldnít mess with those weird, outcast kids. And actually attending any social event along with them? Out of the question, lest you want to be on the business end of pent up rage and aggression. Obviously, the kids of Almost Invisible never learned this, and, after spending ninety minutes with them, I can say that their intellectual deficiencies donít end there.
Our group is a bunch of college kids, none of whom seem to take life seriously, as theyíre always cutting up. Theyíre so desperate for something to do for the weekend that they accept an invitation from a weird goth girl named April; her parents are out of town for the weekend, so they can have the place all to themselves. Nevermind the fact that no one even really likes or even knows this girl--at least theyíll have a place to get trashed! Of course, before they get properly loaded, weird things begin to happen, and the kids get mysteriously trapped inside the seemingly possessed house.
No one has ever accused movies like this of being particularly smart, but Almost Invisible is staggeringly dumb. Itís an incoherent mess, and, if pressed, Iím not sure I could say with any confidence what actually happens or what the point of it all is. I can confirm that thereís an obnoxious cast that engages in an endless amount of lame hijinx. The endless stream of bikini-clad ass and navel shots might convince you that youíre in the middle of a raucous teen comedy, but itís anything but that. Thereís plenty of awkward exchanges between the sexes, but Iím guessing it mostly results from the actors having to read some of the most insipid and nonsensical dialogue Iíve ever heard.
It doesnít fare much better as a horror film either, as thereís a distinct lack of urgency to the whole thing. Between the kidsí blasť attitude towards their plight (none of them seem to particularly care that theyíve stumbled into the Amityville house) and the incongruous, poppy alt-rock soundtrack, youíre left wondering what the intent was. The amateur, high school AV club-level effects try to ensure us that spooky stuff is happening, but itís just so pitifully bad; in fact, this film elicited pity from me throughout because I think this was an honest attempt to make a good movie. Itís a failure on just about every level though, particularly where plot is concerned. I suppose the biggest problem is that there isnít much of one, and the movie just involves a bunch of stupid characters doing stupid things to pass the time for the main action to take over.
Then again, Iím not sure what you can expect from a film whose opening title sequence is composed of someone scribbling credits down on an index card. Almost Invisible is the type of movie that will make you question previous encounters with poor films; it makes some cinematic stink bombs smell like a rose in comparison. Still, like plenty of other bad films before it, it has secured distribution; itíll show up on DVD from Chemical Burn Entertainment on April 19th. If anything, the filmís title has provided me an easy closing quip that will also serve as a final warning: treat this one as if were invisible on store shelves. Trash it!
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