Bloodlust Zombies (2010)

Author: Brett Gallman
Submitted by: Brett Gallman   Date : 2011-07-05 19:32

Written and Directed by: Dan Lantz
Starring: Alexis Texas, Janice Marie, and Adam Danoff

Reviewed by: Brett G.

Blood, sex, and mutants...just another day at the office.

Zombies have forced people to hole up in a lot of different places--farmhouses, malls, apartments, etc. Bloodlust Zombies finds its characters fending off the undead in perhaps the scariest place of all: the office. Your job probably sucks, but I’m guessing a zombie apocalypse has never broken out on your shift. Suddenly your battles with missing staples, TPS reports, and crappy bosses probably seem tame by comparison.

The employees at a major military weapons manufacturer are celebrating the creation of their latest breakthrough in chemical warfare. Corks are being popped, mistresses are being banged, and general recklessness abounds. This extends to the two doofus lab rats who end up exposing themselves to the chemical weapon, which turns its victims into bloodthirsty zombies. Now, the employees have to band together (or just wander off like idiots) to destroy the undead that now stalk their cubicles.

Proving itself to be an amateurish production at every turn, Bloodlust Zombies isn’t very good by ordinary film standards. It looks quite cheap, and it boasts a debut performance from a porn star (Alexis Texas) in its lead role. That said, she actually isn’t bad, though it’s probably more accurate to say she isn’t any worse than anyone else (for whatever that’s worth). To no one’s surprise, the flick dreams up plenty of excuses for her to take her clothes off and do what she does best (which is odd--if you were aspiring to be a “straight” actress, would you really default to softcore antics?). Her character isn’t very interesting, but she does get a chance to kick some ass towards the end, so if you’ve ever wanted to see a porn star hack through a horde of the undead, this is your ticket.

If that sounds silly, it’s because Bloodlust Zombies is really juvenile. There’s some attempts at puerile humor that are hit and miss; Adam Danoff’s character manages to be a mildly amusing horndog who keeps striking out with all the ladies. The presence of flesh-eaters who want to devour him doesn’t deter him in the least, which is funny enough for a few chuckles. The promo material for the flick claims this to be a satire of office life, but it really isn’t smart enough to be considered that. It goes without saying that you’ll want to stick with Shaun of the Dead for all of your “modern-malaise-makes-us-zombies” needs.

But if you want some gratuitous splatter, you’re in luck. Blood and viscera are splashed around everywhere; actual dismemberments are sparse, but you will see a lot of jugular spray and pools of blood. And if you’re watching something like Bloodlust Zombies, I think that’s the most you can hope for. As far as zombie flicks go, there are plenty better gore-laden undead romps; if you’ve exhausted that supply, this is where you’ll end up. It isn’t an altogether abysmal destination--you’ll be laughing both with it and at it (more at it, though), and the gore effects are just good enough.

Sometimes I wonder if movies like this are the modern-day equivalent of the cheap, DIY, SOV horrors from 20 years ago. Will people two decades from now crave the likes of Bloodlust Zombies? Something tells me they will because it’s got all the ingredients for cult status--it’s not very “good,” but it obviously has a good time being bad. Breaking Glass Pictures will be releasing it on July 5th, and you’ll get an anamorphic transfer, a 5.1 surround track, a behind-the-scenes feature, a commentary with director Lantz, the film’s trailer, and a short film entitled “Louisiana Smith and the Bastard Son.” Undead enthusiasts and popcorn movie lovers will want to give this one a look, but it might make them jealous that they can't actually kill their own boss (unless he conveniently becomes one of the undead). Rent it!

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